idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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