good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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