I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
