beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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