he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
