i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
