So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
