peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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