i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
