If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
