oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
