Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
