Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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