I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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