Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
