youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
