He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
