I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
