Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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