Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I need to calm my uterus...
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
