he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
