I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
