we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
