dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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