Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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