and she was petting her beer can
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
