drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
