Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
