Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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