the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Randomize
