i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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