Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
