I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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