Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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