so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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