Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
