when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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