I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
