I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
