you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Is her dick bigger than yours?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
