She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
