Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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