Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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