She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
