he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
