the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
even my farts smell like vagina
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
