The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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