I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
