After last night, I could never be a politician.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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