playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Someone shattered a urinal.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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