Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
