took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
