Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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