I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I just blew my weed a kiss
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
