So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
