loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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