it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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