i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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